We love gorillas.
We really do. Both the kind you see on NatGeo or in a zoo and the kind you see in the wild walking around the beach without a shirt.
You see, we’re in the business of “killing” that latter gorilla. Not the animal comically depicted in King Kong.
And even though we’re trying to “kill” these beach-going gorillas or poolside gorillas, we love them! Why? Because they’re the guys we’re trying to help. They’re the ones who email us at 3 a.m. on a Saturday night after getting rejected at the bar for being “too hairy” or get rejected in the bedroom when a girl makes a dash for the door.
Now, we’re not experts in what should or should not have happened at the Cincinnati Zoo. That’s not our realm of expertise. At all. We feel terrible about the whole situation from every angle.
Unfortunately, our name is a bit touchy after the incident in Ohio. However, we’ve been around for a few years now trying to help men put their best foot forward. That’s what we know.
With that said, we most certainly are NOT behind a petition calling for the killing of all captive gorillas. That’s not us and it will never be us (unless, of course, we find ourselves in a different dimension of time a la Planet of the Apes).